No Date Stew

B loves when I make this stew. I got the recipe from Martha Stewart Living a few years back. She called it Golden Lentil Stew. B loves it so much, though, that supply can not keep up with demand so a few years ago I was like, "Dude. Go make this yourself. You can read." He went and made it and was very disappointed and as we ate the stew we went over what steps he took to make it and I laughed uncontrollably.

Here's the thing, I don't follow recipes. I automatically omit ingredients I don't like and skip steps that I don't want to deal with. For example the original version of this calls for dates and I have never added one date to this stew ever. Fruit + stew= wrong. (ETA: Added dates. They kinda melted into the thing. It was fine.)

So, as B sobbed silently into his orzo with dates and other crap I promised him I would make the stew again and write down the Julie version. Which, as it turns out, doesn't have a whole helluva lot in common with the original but it is delicious.

No-Date Stew;---sounds like my dad's college roommate....HAR HAR HAR.

1. Cut up an onion. Cut it in big chunks and save the middle part for last so you won't cry. Put it in the pot as fast as you can.
2. Sprinkle the onion with olive oil and turn the pot on to high.
3. Find the vegetable stock and add 4 cups of it, 4 cups of water, and a can of garbonzo beans to the pot.
4. Cut up some, about 4 stalks, of celery into big chunks. Get rid of the parts that look gross, which is most of it. Put it in the pot.
5. Grate 3 large cloves of garlic and mash it with 1 teaspoons of coarse salt. Scoop it into the pot.
6. Cut up 4 fresh tomatoes, 4 roma tomatoes or get a can of tomatoes and put it in the pot.
7. Add a cup of lentils and set the timer for 40 minutes. Turn the pot to "5." Yeah. That's right. FIVE.
8. Add a tablespoon of tomato paste but then think, "Hell. What am I going to use the rest of this for? This stuff doesn't grow on trees. Oh wait it kinda does." and put the whole can in the pot.
9. Add a cinnamon stick. Break it into a few pieces. Stir. (Or 1 t of cinnamon.) Add 1 T of lemon juice and 1/2 c of chopped dates if you're into that kind of nonsense.
10. Ignore most of the spices cause you don't like them. Add a 1/2 t of paprika, a 1/2 of ginger and 1 t of all spice powder. Stir.
11. When the timer goes off add 5 oz of orzo by looking at how much orzo is in the container and guessing what 5oz would look like. Cook the orzo until it squishes.